I’m a terrible blogger. I’m sorry to all of you that, for some bizarre reason, follow my blog. It’s not that I don’t have things to say. It’s that I have SO MUCH to say.

This is kinda what the inside of my head looks like. So many words. So many thoughts. 

I told myself that I was going to stop neglecting this blog for real and write at least a post a month from now on. And then suddenly it was the end of January. So…PANIC!

Since this month caught me so off guard that’s what I thought I write about. Panic. Anxiety. It’s been my theme this month.

After two dentist appointments this month (Yes, you read that right. Two. This month.) I’ve had to finally admit that I have terrible White Coat Syndrome. Doctors/Dentists/Eye Doctors give me terrible anxiety. Like triple digit blood pressure, heart pounding out of my chest, anxiety. I scared my dentist it was so bad. Mostly because I looked calm. I’ve lived with anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life so I’ve gotten super good at pretending to be fine. It’s the damn blood pressure that tattles on me.

I told my dentist that I know, logically, that they’re not going to hurt me. I know I’ll be just fine. Knowing, however, doesn’t stop my brain from screaming.

Pictured: My brain during a doctor appointment

I’ve finally admitted to myself that I need to deal with this. I have an appointment with my RA doc in April so I’m giving myself until then to get it under control without meds.

So here’s what I’m trying:

• Excercise
• Saying no to anything that stresses me out
• Telling myself over and over to let go of the stress
• Praying (A LOT)
• Meditation and yoga
• Listening to guided meditation/subliminal messaging recordings (right now I’m trying the anxiety ones from BrainSync.com)

I’ve also joined an online anxiety support group where I’ve learned that lots of other folks have White Coat Syndrome and it causes temporary high blood pressure in all of them. I’ve also learned that I’m not nearly as screwed up as I thought I was. There are folks in that group with issues that put mine to shame.

Anyway, here’s hoping it works. If not, I’ll ask my rheumy for a recommendation for a therapist and do that. I need to get it under control. I don’t like feeling like I’m constantly living in mortal terror. I don’t like feeling as if there is a second brain inside my head who ignores all logic and reason and freaks out about everything.

In other news, I’m hard at work on Book #3 in my Rio Verde Series. I’m hoping to turn it over to my publisher/editor by March. I’m also working on a new book that I’m very excited about.

I hope 2018 has started better for all of y’all than it did for me.

Hugs and Blessings,

Elise

PS If you want to keep up with my day to day insanity, follow me over on Instagram. I’m on there a ton, posting pictures of what’s going on in my world. I’d love to share with you.