The D Word

So it’s been a long damn time since I’ve written anything. I’ve been neglecting my blog and my website and, to be honest, my writing.

It’s been a rough year y’all.

Things are better now though. Which means it’s time for a recap and a look forward.

First we’re going to talk about the D word. No, not divorce. Depression.

This picture actually cracks me up so here you go.

I’ve been job hunting for a while now. In a half-hearted way I’ve looked for a new job for close to three years. In January, for reasons I’m not going to put down here, the search went from half-hearted to holy-crap-I’ve-gotta-find-a-new-job.

In my neck of the woods and in my field (graphic design) the job market is brutal. BRUTAL y’all. From late January on I stopped being picky and applied for any job I was halfway qualified for. And for plenty of jobs I was both under and over qualified for. I got turned down for everything. I had great interviews only to get ghosted by companies. And seriously, this is for anyone out there in charge of hiring, don’t do that. Ever. You owe it to people to tell them they didn’t get the job. Leaving them hanging is just cruel. I know this because that’s what kept happening to me.

I was left hanging. I was told I didn’t meet the qualifications for the job – even when, according to their job description, I was over qualified. I was told I was over qualified. Under qualified. Friends told me to leave off my master’s degree, that I might look over educated.

While all that turmoil was going on things at my job (now previous job) were getting bad. My boss started speaking to me via email only. Management started cold shouldering me. Friends became coworkers who used to be my friends.

It was isolating and, to be honest, rather soul crushing.

I was working 9 hours a day in a job where no one spoke to me. No one told me if I was doing things write or wrong. Where no one seemed to even notice if I did my job at all. And when I came home I job hunted relentlessly.

I firmly believe that anyone job hunting should qualify for free counseling. I could have used it.

Thankfully, I’m lucky enough to volunteer with some great people at my church. And the associate pastor at the church is a dear friend and amazing person. And one of my very best friends was walking the same path, job hunting too.

At the end of summer, my friend landed a new job. A made-for-her kind of job. Her success gave me a little hope. I’d just interviewed for a great job. A great job that I would never hear back from. In September I applied for one last job in my town. It was the last one I’d apply for, I told myself. After it I planned to start looking in larger cities. I didn’t want to move but I was slipping toward a dark place. I had to get a new job before I lost all heart. So I applied for a job I was sure I wouldn’t get.

It was different this time though. Not because I had a good feeling about the job. I didn’t. I was sure it would be just another rejection. This time though I was broken, broken by the rejections, by my job, by the depression weighing me down. So this time I gave it all away. I laid it all at the feet of the Lord and I walked away.

Less than a week later I had a new job. I applied on a Thursday. I got a call on a Friday for an interview. That Sunday at church I told everyone about the upcoming interview. On Monday morning, when I went to the interview, my whole church was praying for me. On Tuesday they offered me the job. On Wednesday I quit my old job.

When God opens a door he opens a DOOR. Sometimes He shoves you through the damn door. He did that with me. Slammed open the door and kicked my sorry ass right through it.

I’ve been at my new job two months now. My friend Judi tells me every time she sees me that I’m a new person now. She’s not the only one telling that either. It’s true too. When you walk away from something that was making you feel worthless, that was crushing your soul…you can’t help but become a new person.

I love my new job. I love being part of a proper team. I love being valued and respected.

Most of all I love that I’m shaking free from the cloud of depression.

It’s been almost two years since my dad died. In that time I’ve totally changed my life. This seems to have been the last piece to this new life. For the first time in two years I’m happy. Happy to go to work each day. Happy to be living this new life. Happy to be happy.



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